#ShadowWork CompletionProcess IntegrationProcess SubconsciousWork IHaveToDoSomethingWithMyLife PanicAttack

[sportsocks1]

Fear of not doing anything

I fear very much not doing anything because I cannot justify my existence by just sitting on a couch. I fear it so much I ended having a panic attack the 30-31 of December. The fear of not having a job, the fear of being useless, the fear of not being able to provide for yourself, the fear of uncertainty of having to rely on others and anxiety about the future. I reached today the layer in my subconscious which tells me: “You can’t go about your life without doing anything, you have to do something, always”. This is a so paralyzing thought. I’ve lived with this since who knows when.  It keeps you on the verge of collapse, on the edge of survival. I arrived to this layer when I could not register in school today. What am I supposed to do? If I already lost my fear of being destitute, if I already decided a soul-crushing job was not the answer, if I already decided that killing myself was not the answer, if I already decided that I would follow my joy, if I already arrived to the conclusion that dying of cancer was better than having a soul-crushing job?

Let’s see what the law of attraction and the integration process take me with this one.